Naked Isn't Nice

This year I joined the YMCA. I have been going about three times a week to run on the cardio equipment and lift weights. I go in before work, usually, and bring my work clothes, so I can just shower there and head to work, which is conveniently located right next door.
I have thus far enjoyed my membership to the 'Y,' as it has, among other things, reacquainted me with an old friend from college, one Tiffany Latimer. Only it's not Latimer anymore. It's something else that I never bothered to find out. She works there now. Good kid that Tiffany.
But, Tiffany is not the important part of this story. She's one part, but not the good part. I specifically started this story with Tiffany, so that at any time, should you feel the need, you could let your eyes drift up to the opening paragraph and remember the cute little blond girl from CMSU. This is what I really wanted to write about:

At about 8 am today, Wednesday February 7th, I was about a mile and half into my morning run, watching Mike and Mike in the Morning on ESPN2, when I heard this news story, which, of course, made me think of the story that I will now tell.

I chose to workout in the morning, because I feel refreshed and awakened after I finish. The fact that my office is literally less than a football (American or otherwise) field away from the front door of the 'Y' makes it extremely easy for me to head in a few hours early and hit the gym. But, once I've finished my workout, I need to shower and get ready for work. This should be no problem. I'm comfortable with my own body, I have no homophobic fear of showering with other men in a communal shower. I understand that seeing naked man ass is going to be a part of the process of going to the 'Y'. The locker room has everything that I might need to get ready to head into work. So there should be no reason for me to dislike the time I spend in the locker room.

But there is a reason: The Overly Naked Guy.

He's about 50. Has a beer belly. Has back hair. Refuses to wear a towel.
Once his clothes come off when he hits the locker room, he's naked for a good thirty minutes. As I said before, I go into the locker room knowing that naked man ass is part of the equation. But no one expects to see so much of it for so long. The man brushes his teeth naked. In public. Who does that? When it's time to urinate he doesn't waste any time by putting on any clothing. Hell, he's been naked for twenty minutes already. He just wanders over to the urinal and does his business. Naked. That's very disconcerting if you happen to be standing next to him.
And then there's the "Shorts must be worn at all times in the Steam Room" policy that he seems to believe is a suggestion.

The man seems to be omnipresent. I know that if I am in that locker room, there is an 80% chance that he will be there, too. And if he is there, then the chance that he'll be naked is 99%.

I originally thought he might be mentally challenged. Those thoughts went away when he struck up a conversation with me the other day. He seems to be a really nice guy, a hard working accountant. Maybe he's a nudist. I really don't know. I do know that he isn't 'slow,' and he doesn't seem to be a pervert. Either one would be an acceptable explanation. (Though it would do nothing to erase the image of the man brushing his teeth three feet away from my locker, naked as the day he was born.
And, for the record, Mr. Overly Naked Guy, naked ISN'T nice. Not on you, anyway.